Hebrews 11:1 Amplified Bible (AMP)
The Triumphs of Faith
11 Now faith is the assurance (title deed, confirmation) of things hoped for (divinely guaranteed), and the evidence of things not seen [the conviction of their reality—faith comprehends as fact what cannot be experienced by the physical senses].
I want everything planned out! I’m not exactly sure when that part of my brain took over; the once laid back, go with the flow, kinda’ gal that I always thought I was. I’m thinking it was when most of my kids spread their wings and my chaotic life (that left almost no room for anything that was planned to actually be executed to a “t”) became peaceful. I finally had a chance (with just a few kids at home) to be able to not only plan everything out but achieve those plans. My life was finally a bit predictable! Fewf, what a relief. Most of the guess work was eliminated, and I knew what to expect. I could really breathe and that feeling was as comfortable as my super soft bed after a long day working and getting dirty in the yard. Now, I feel resistance and anxiety when things aren’t planned out. When I don’t know the outcome in advance, I almost shutter my mind and want to completely close myself off. Then I allow the guilt to set in and eat away at me. The guilt from not truly living my life in complete faith. I never thought at this point in my life that my faith would waiver; not after all that I have been through, not after all that I’ve seen Christ do in my life. Seeing is believing right?
Maybe for some…but for me, faith is supposed to be the assurance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things NOT SEEN, faith comprehends as FACT what cannot be experienced by the physical senses. So many of God’s direct promises to me have been fulfilled in such a short time (His time) and once they became reality, they scared the beegeebaz outta’ me. Like, I seriously thought after writing my book What is Your Calling? , that I would be jumping for joy watching everything in His plan unfold. Uh, not so much! I began to panic; in every way I possibly could. Christ told me about the hoops I would have to jump through, He reassured me He was in control…if I let Him. I’ve jumped through some of those hoops already, and He has proven to me, time and time again, that He’s got this. Rather than spending my time beating myself up for what I call “my lack of faith” I need to realize that He is a patient Father, one who loves me unconditionally, one who knows I am human, and far from perfect. He forgives me when I try to have everything planned out from a-z without Him , and He loves me enough to show me over and over again that the Big G’s plan is always the best. With every trial, I grow stronger in my relationship with Him, with every pebble I trip over, He reminds me that if I use Him as my corner stone I will not stay down when I trip and fall; He will pick me up. I am learning to not be terrified (perfect word for me some days) knowing He is with me always. I’m an unfinished piece of work and that is the truth, but that doesn’t mean I am not worthy of His plan in my life.
Joshua 1:9 Amplified Bible (AMP)
9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not be terrified or dismayed (intimidated), for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”